


Euphemism

by Ayantiel



Category: The Hour
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-24
Updated: 2014-04-24
Packaged: 2018-01-20 15:37:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1515824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayantiel/pseuds/Ayantiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trying to report on indecent activities in decent fashion turns out to be a bit of a challenge for Bel and Freddie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Euphemism

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a dare session: Write a scene in which two people come up with as many euphemism for sex as possible.

"You can't say that!"

"Why not?"

"We're a news program, Freddie, not a… a…" Bel made a helpless gesture.

"Yes, Moneypenny?" Freddie said with an innocent smile, eyes twinkling with mirth.

"Don't call me that. And you know what I mean." She sighed. "We have to try and keep it appropriate for a family audience!"

"It's 1956! I'm sure they can handle a mature conversation about -"

"Stop!" Bel cried.

"Oh for goodness' sake, Bel! We can't work like this!"

"Yes we can! We're professionals! We can do this! Just call it… a boff!"

Freddie raised an eyebrow. "A boff…"

"Yes! Okay maybe not…"

"A romp perhaps?" Freddie suggested, lips twitching up into a smirk.

"You're not helping!" Bel accused.

"A bonking."

"Freddie!" She said, a bit helplessly. But Freddie could see that she was trying to hide a smile.

"A leg over." He continued with a grin. "Getting your end away. A bit of how's your father?"

Bel succumbed to giggles.

"Oh yes that will work!" she laughed. "Yesterday afternoon Police Commander Stern was seen at an establishment that is rumoured to be a gathering for bits of how's your father."

"It is as of now unclear wether or not the Commander got his leg over, but eye witnesses report a bonking sound and it is suggested a basket was made." Freddie went on, pausing for breaths between helpless laughter.

"Rumour has it he was found bread and butter fashion with one of the lovely dancers of El Paradis." Bel put in.

"Eye witnesses report that the lady was playing at St George"

"Freddie!" Bel said in laughing chastisement, but he just shrugged and went on.

"It must be stressed that any evidence of amorous congress is circumstantial, but they were most likely at clicket."

"Oh we could use that one actually" Bel said, sobering up a little.

"What? At clicket?"

"No! Amorous congress!"

That evening, Hector threw odd looks at his producer when she struggled to keep from laughing during his perfectly decent report.

**Author's Note:**

> List of euphemisms in this fic and their explanation courtesy of mentalfloss.com and scepticscompanion.com
> 
> boff: v shag (somewhat posh equivalent).
> 
> romp: v the loving act of procreation. It’s a bit rough-and-ready - you would be much more likely to have a romp with your secretary on top of the photocopier than you would with your wife of thirty years in the marital bed. Not you personally, these are just examples.
> 
> bonk: v 1 have sex: Did you hear that Howard’s been bonking his secretary for the last three years? 2 a clunk or bash (universal).
> 
> get your end away: v have sex: I think our dog’s been getting his end away with that St. Bernard down the street.
> 
> leg over: n sex: Bob’s off to the local again this evening for a few drinks - I think he’s still trying to get his leg over with the barmaid who works Thursdays.
> 
> how’s your father: n sex. Often used in the phrase “a bit of how’s your father” and generally accompanied by a knowing wink. It’s rather antiquated, but well understood.
> 
> basket making: "Those two recently opened a basket-making shop." From a method of making children's stockings, in which knitting the heel is called basket-making.
> 
> bread and butter: One on top of the other. "Rumor has it he found her bread and butter fashion with the neighbor."
> 
> playing at St George: In the story of St. George and the Dragon, the dragon reared up from the lake to tower over the saint. "Playing at St. George" casts a woman as the dragon and puts her on top.
> 
> amorous congress: To say two people were engaged in the amorous congress was by far the most polite option on the list, oftentimes serving as the definition for other, less discreet synonyms.
> 
> at clicket: "They left together, so they're probably at clicket." This was originally used only for foxes, but became less specific as more and more phrases for doing it were needed.


End file.
